The last two months have been a whirlwind of activity and a rollercoaster of emotions, leaving me with less time than I’d like to be writing here. Now that Dan Cooper Garden is up and running, I am looking forward to establishing a routine, starting to post more often and keeping you suitably informed and entertained.
They say that what does not kill you makes you stronger. After the last six months, I have a greater sense of this phrase’s meaning. I have spent more time managing myself – my tiredness, my anxiety and my confidence – than I have needed to do since my teenage years. But the contrast between how self-aware I am now, and how acceptable it is to talk openly about one’s feelings, is a testament to how far we have come in recognising the importance of mental health. Whilst I occasionally think we might have gone a little too far with our collective openness, I soon correct myself: until talking about mental health is no longer a ‘thing’ then the job is not done.
Many of the side-effects of starting my own business were not ones I had anticipated. They took me by surprise and continue to do so. Having worked on the shop floor or in an office for most of my career, I have felt lonely working for months on end in my spare bedroom. I have not slept well. I have eaten erratically and drunk too much. I have woken up almost every morning worrying about whether or not my new venture will work out. I have read and noted endless motivational quotes that have helped at that moment but then disappeared into the ether – they provide the same unsustainable, hollow rush that fizzy drinks do. Fear not, I am firmly in control and not in need of sympathy, but I want to make the point that managing your mental health can be hard and needs constant attention. If caught unawares, a situation can quickly spiral out of control. I was not ready for everything the last six months would throw at me, let alone what lies ahead. So, this Mental Health Awareness Week, give more than a second thought to how you and those around you are feeling and coping – all may not be as it seems. By taking the initiative you could make a difference.
Fortunately, all of us here are garden lovers, plant fanciers or worshippers of the great outdoors. It’s easy to claim that it’s hard to be glum when you have a garden, but when you are feeling low and have high standards it can be horribly difficult to keep on top of everything. Time and tide wait for no man, but you are at liberty to cut yourself some slack in the garden, particularly at this busy time of year and especially if you can’t achieve everything you would like. There will be time to catch up when the mood takes you, or perhaps you have a friend who could help you make light work of a big or ugly job? It’s so important that we design and develop gardens in a way that we can enjoy them rather than find them a burden. Adapting our gardens to our circumstances can take time and thought, but it’s a necessity once the task of keeping one up becomes so overwhelming that it no longer brings joy.
I am certainly no mental health expert and I understand that my troubles are insignificant in the scheme of things. However, I offer up here some of the things that I find helpful when I feel a bit blue, overstimulated, frustrated, tired or unmotivated in the hopes that they may appeal to one of you. Despite being easy to do and nothing new, it’s surprising how much effort it can take to break away from what’s on your mind to focus on something that could help to restore a sense of calm and balance. Give these exercises a try and see how you get on.
Tune in to nature’s soundtrack – here in Broadstairs I am so accustomed to the raucous screams of the herring gulls that my brain has completely tuned them out. I am often amused when I’m on a phone call and someone comments on the racket going on in the background – suddenly I hear them again. I am not suggesting for a moment that you tune in to herring gulls, unless that floats your fishing boat, but I do find listening to the song of a blackbird at the end of the day incredibly soothing and beautiful. Pick a bird, tune in and be swept away on a little tidal wave of music just for a few moments and it may put things back in perspective for you.
Study a flower, leaf or insect – Ever since David Attenborough brought ‘Life on Earth’ to our screens in 1979, I have been fascinated by the intricacies of nature. I kept the book and the photography inside still staggers me. We are all so busy that we rarely stop to appreciate what’s right in front of our eyes. I am no exception. Create a moment to look at a flower or leaf in proper detail, just as a botanist might. Admire the subtle markings, veins and ribs. Observe the colour of pollen, shading of petals or how a leaf attaches to its stem. No plant has the same attributes and it’s both revealing and absorbing to spot the differences. If you can find an insect that you’re comfortable with, that will stay obediently still for long enough, then the same exercise can be equally as mesmerising. Avoid the temptation to take a photograph, as we’re all so inclined to do these days. Just look and carry the picture in your mind.
Turn your face to the sun – although this suggestion is so trite that I hesitate to mention it at all, it’s also incredibly effective. Some of us are more sensitive to the presence (or absence) of daylight or sunshine than others, but it is widely acknowledged that a few moments in the sun can be a tonic, especially if you spend most of your day inside. Warmth can be very soothing too, which is why my happy place is in a greenhouse, cosy and protected from the elements like the plants within.
Water, mow or sow – low complexity, repetitive tasks are fantastic for clearing the mind. And, if your mind is already clear, they can provide fertile ground for generating new plans and ideas. I am frequently asked how I manage with watering my garden and whether I have an irrigation system. My oft-incredulous answer is no …. why ever would I want to do that? Watering is my time for ‘seeing’ – an excuse to move slowly and steadily whilst contemplating what I am doing. It’s almost the only time in my day that I don’t have other things clamouring for my attention. Watering with a hose is especially calming unless the line develops a kink or gets caught around a post. I don’t mow because I have no lawn, but I imagine the steady rhythm of mowing or sowing a large space could equally permit you to zone out for a few precious moments.
Take a walk in big country – More often than not I can be found gardening at the weekend, working through a long list of small jobs that leave little time for relaxation. In an attempt not to get caught up in the minutiae of my own little world, I find it helps to get out, not just for a short walk but a proper ramble in part of the county with long, unspoiled views. There aren’t so many opportunities in Thanet itself, but elsewhere in Kent there are some spectacular tracts of countryside that really help me to put my worries in proportion. If our worlds become too small, our worries will only make them smaller. Stride out and see if nature’s majesty can help put things back into proportion.
Clearly, these are all suggestions for alleviating a light touch of the blues and nothing more. If different methods work for you, I’d love to hear about them. Importantly, if you’re really down in the dumps, or you know someone else who is, then seeking expert help is the best way forward. Here is a useful link to the Mental Health Foundation website which is packed with good, accessible information. TFG.
Categories: Health & Wellbeing, Musings
Thanks for this I really needed to read this post and remind myself of the beautiful calming outdoor space I have. Can I ask what the yellow flowers are I. The photo they’re beautiful x
Hello Karen. Thank you for your lovely comment and I’m so happy the post resonated with you. The flower is Rosa xanthina ‘Canary Bird’ which is one of the earliest roses to bloom and exceptionally good in a semi-wild setting. Do grow it if you have somewhere suitable. Dan
Such a thought provoking post with real insight – thank you! I am fortunate not to struggle with poor mental health but do fine working and just being in my garden such a tonic. It is my sanctuary
Hello Jackie. You are lucky and that’s something to celebrate 😊 Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and enjoy your wonderful sanctuary.
“It’s so important that we design and develop gardens in a way that we can enjoy them rather than find them a burden.” That definitely struck a chord in my mind. As I get older and less “bendy”, I’m looking for ways to keep gardening. Mulch and raised beds are part of the solution!
All of my grandparents had amazing foresight and adapted their gardens or moved house before their gardens got the better of them. As a child I remember finding this hard to accept because I loved their gardens as they were, but it was right thing to do. Raised beds were not in their repetoire, but crazy paving was 😆
A beautiful, beautiful blog post. I have a small condo balcony with 3 large-ish containers and 2 small-ish ones for plants. Yesterday, I planted some coleus and felt like a million bucks after a challenging couple of covid (and other stuff) years, and a nasty, harsh, late spring. Everything you say rings true. And, your tips for freeing the mind are wonderful. May all beings have peace of mind and know freedom. (Prayer hands).
Thank you for highlighting Mental Health Awareness Week. My garden is my happy place and definitely helps my mental health especially during lockdowns! Not everyone can get out and about in gardens and walking so I would like to bring attention to other resources highlighted during this important week. I work for a dance charity and this is a link to some of the important work we do. Although this is based in the NE of Scotland these Dance for Parkinsons classes are available UK wide and were set up by English National Ballet and Scottish National Ballet. I know this is not garden related but just wanted to point out that there are many resources to help mental health. https://acvo.org.uk/mha-week22/citymoves/
You are most welcome to highlight the dance classes Sheila. As you say, not everyone has access to a garden nor do they necessarily find them relaxing places to be. It’s good to highlight a variety of different ways to improve our health and happiness. Thank you for the work you do. Dan
Really good read, I can also confirm our countryside views around Winchester and the surrounding South Downs never cease to amaze
An exceptionally beautiful part of our country. I know it only a little, but well enough to agree wholeheartedly. Dan
This post has truly arrived at a good time, as a sudden death in our family has left us all a bit shaken. Thank you, and don’t apologize for saying things that you might think are too simple. Those simple things can help a lot.
I am sorry to hear about your loss Cathy. A death is a shock at any time but especially so when sudden. It’s so important to give yourself time and let the emotions come naturally, accepting they are important.
Meanwhile I’m glad I did not sound like I was trying to teach anyone to suck eggs! Take care and be kind to yourself. Dan
That was just lovely – like a big hug!
Thank you Elaine. We all need a big hug sometimes if not most days!
Dan, no sympathy ? Would you accept some empathy?
After Christmas I found myself terribly lethargic .My usual energy no where to be found, in its place guilt at my ‘laziness’ I think momentum had got me to Christmas.The death of my beloved mum and darling dog and worry and care for my father’s health had left me drained.
Unable to summon the energy to resume working on the house( more guilt) outside was where I was drawn.I have always enjoyed being in the garden, with the dogs , but this year it is like a magnet.
Gardening has brought me back to myself .I am about to start again on the inside of the house.
The balance of our time , guilt and worry are all part of life aren’t they ?Being a perfectionist is often a burden.
On Friday I will be at my third funeral in one week!
I will be trying to take time to enjoy the simple things that you mentioned and to try to show myself a little of the kindness I show to others .
Do try to have some time off , even if it’s just half a day , each week .
Take the very best care of your lovely self
Pattie 😊
Thank you Pattie. Much of what you’ve said resonates with me. Having been a conscientious employee for so long I still have huge guilt about how I spend my time and I never seem to have enough of it. Like you, my house needs attention but the garden and business soak most of that up …… when the dogs aren’t wanting cuddles. A life spent on Instagram does not help as everyone else seems to be permanently winning at life – of course they are not, I know, but watching what other people are up to can be overwhelming and distracting.
Hey ho, mustn’t complain, and, yes, I may take some time out later to potter in the garden or at the very least tidy up my samples which are creeping everywhere! You take care too. Dan x
Thank you for addressing this topic, but I was not expecting it. I prefer to think that you are always as happy and . . . without anxiety as you seem to be in pictures. Most of us who enjoy horticulture naturally engage in healthy activity, so it seems like most of us should naturally be . . . healthy. I actually feel sorry for those who must work in other industries, and are unable to do the sort of work that I get to do, although I know that most likely enjoy their work as well.
Well, I think prior to this new project I was mostly without anxiety and that’s probably why I feel the difference now. I certainly feel better on the days I can indulge in outdoor activity but I am spending too much time in front of a computer screen at the moment. I am working to correct that. Thankful that I have a create outlet and something I am passionate about, which not everyone does. Dan
That is all so true , thank you for these words , I do so agree about evening watering and pottering 😊
It’s definitely one of the most relaxing parts of the day!
Thankyou for this. Feeling quite overwhelmed and not my usual Bouncy self I’ve had to cancel the opening of our garden this weekend for the NGS but hopefully will visit yours later on Just come out of hospital. So your words are very helpful
Wise words, Dan, and very helpful suggestions. Thank you. I have always regarded myself as a mentally robust person but constant chronic pain in the last 3 years has left me depressed and struggling at times. I do most of the things that you suggest already (can’t manage long rambles unfortunately). I also suggest meditating. It is difficult but I find separating my mind from my troubles, even for as little as 10 -15 minutes a day, is beneficial. I have also taken up tai chi. I have no natural talent for it but I find the discipline of trying to perfect the moves is helpful in keeping me calm.
My garden is 0.7 of an acre – lucky me, but my husband is not a gardener and we can’t afford to pay for gardening help. Friends have suggested that we should move to a property with a smaller garden but I get immense pleasure from watching my plants closely through the year. I am learning to tolerate a more shaggy garden. I have discovered that if you cut non-essential corners the sky does not fall in!